Julia’s Demise

Julia’s Demise

Julia loved spending time on the net
More than she loved playing with her pet.
She could surf the web for hours on end.
Everyday she added a new online friend.
She loved telling all the people at school
The things she had learned online that were cool.
At first people loved it! She “Shared” and they “Liked.”
But shortly thereafter her classmates went “Psych!
“We’re tied of your tweeting and blogging and posting.
We want a friend who’s not always ghosting.”
But give up her internet? She knew she could not!
So Julia blogged where she wouldn’t get caught.
She hid in the stairwells and skipped her math class
So often there was no chance she could pass.
She said to herself “If I can’t pass this course,
I might as well learn all this straight from the source.”
She subscribed to PBS and The Washington Post
And took to Twitter to brag and boast
That her education was leagues above theirs,
So they unfriended her and she hid in her lair.
Alone in her room, Julia gave up rest.
Why sleep when there’s a new Buzzfeed test?
She stayed indoors, never venturing outside,
Watching videos instead of sports played worldwide.
She saw no point in eating real food
When over her Pinterest recipes she could brood.
One day she stood up and felt weak at the knees.
“I should probably eat,” she managed to wheeze.
Her voice all but gone, she went back to bed.
“I might as well watch one more show,” she said.
But those were the last words from Julia’s mouth,
For despite WebMD, her health had gone south.
Her computer lay faithful as always at her side,
And with the next episode loading, Julia died.
Internet stars lost one follower that day,
And it was decided her tombstone would say
“Here lies Julia, who neglected to eat.
If you love the internet like she did, retweet!”

Liz Gabbitas


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